How to Tick People Off

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF

Disclaimer I ran across this the other day and thought it was funny. I do not condone any of this in real life. In some ways, I regret posting this at all, as it does not portray me in a completely Christian manner. I have chose not to delete, because I'd like to allow others to see some of the ways that God convicts me and to see that a young pastor is no less susceptible to mistakes than anyone else.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

If You Don't Like Hip Hop, Watch it Anyway

Warning: Graphic

Westboro is at it Again

A radical Kansas church group says it will protest Grosse Pointe South High School's production this month of "The Laramie Project."

The play is about the torture, beating and death of Matthew Shepard, a gay college student who was killed in Laramie, Wyo., in 1998.

The Westboro Baptist Church, an independent church not affiliated with the Baptist church, is planning the protest. The church is best known for protesting at soldiers' funerals nationwide, contending their deaths are God's punishment for America's tolerance of homosexuality.

The planned protest "motivates us," said cast member Sean Buckley, a 17-year-old senior. "We feel passionate about what we are doing."

Shirley Phelps-Roper, a member of the church, said they learned about the play from an e-mail.

" 'The Laramie Project' has a function -- it's to teach rebellion," Phelps-Roper said. Teaching rebellion violates the teachings of the Bible, she said.
Read the full story here.

As I've said before, my problem is not so much with what the Westboro folks say, (spare me the comments.) My problem is with the way they present themselves and the way they present the gospel.

I support being controversial if it's done properly. For example, street preaching using the law to appeal to one's conscience, is a controversial way of evangelizing, yet can be extremely effective. Protesting dead soldiers funerals and high school plays with signs that read "God Hates Fags!" is NOT an effective means of evangelism.

The only thing that Westboro Baptist Church is accomplishing is to act as a stumbling block, (Romans 14:3, 1 Corinthians 8:9,) to believers and non believers alike. In my eyes, that is NOT ok.

Scripture Twisters: Mark 11:22-23

So Jesus answered and said to them, “Have faith in God. For assuredly, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be removed and be cast into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart, but believes that those things he says will be done, he will have whatever he says.--Mark 11:22-23

This passage was given to me to defend the Word of Faith Movement. The basic premise is that if you REALLY TRULY believe something and you speak the words, God will be forced to follow through with your request. Let's apply my two favorite rules of Biblical interpretation here.

1. We must consider the verses in context.
In verse 14, Jesus had cursed a fig tree. Now we see Jesus and the disciples walking past that fig tree a second time. upon noticing the fig tree had whithered, the apostles ask Jesus about it. Jesus proceeds to make a point about faith rather than words.

2. We must interpret the unclear with the clear
This is the more compelling argument that this passage does not support the idea that we might force God's hand with our spoken word. A VERY clear teaching of the Bible is the omnipotence of God. (Mathew 10:29, Romans 8:28, Revelations 19:6) In other words, The Bible teaches that God is in control of all.
So if the implication that we get from the passage is a clear contradiction to biblical truth, it must not be the implication that was intended. Jesus was not teaching the disciples that they can force God's hand if they simply have enough faith and speak the words. Obviously, the whithering Fig tree was within God's will and if the mountain got up and hurled itself into the mountain, it would have been within God's will as well. God is in control, not you or I.

My apology, (or lack there of)

Over the past few weeks, I have been called ignorant, stupid, a bigot, out-dated, hateful and unrespectable. These are only the names that are being called to my face. Why have I been called these names? Simply for standing firm on biblical truths.

I apologize to anyone who is reading this who has been offended by my beliefs. I will not, however, apologize for having those beliefs. I will never back down from what I feel is right. I will not idly sit back and allow thousands of babies to be murdered without uttering so much as a word about it. I will not back down from my stance on roles in marriages, (which those who will attack me don't fully understamd the message I am trying to convey.) I will not back down from preaching that salvation is through Jesus Christ and Jesus Christ alone.

Have fun discussing amongst yourselves what a horrible person I am.