Monday, July 9, 2007

On Roles in Marriage

Rachel posted this in one of the comments sections of Code Monkey Ramblings. I thought it was so well put that it deserves repeating.

"I find this whole subject to be very interesting. Being homeschooled, I watched men and women take the extreme of the husband being the head of the household to the point where the women were literally slaves, always being completely burned out, taking crap constantly from her husband, and living in misery because she was the wife and therefore was not important. Then I look at how I grew up. My dad was very much the head of the household, and for those who know my dad they will tell you that he is a very strong but loving head of the household. Being homeschooled for reasons other than being a right-wing nut job family who were homeschooling for the sole purpose of brain washing children, my mom worked with my sister an I for long hours during the day so that we would have the best education possible. My mother, being a very bright engineer, gave us an incredible education, but this meant that my dad and my sister and I, had to pitch in double time with the chores and other household duties. My mom was always the first one working during the day and the last one up finishing up what needed to be done - but without my dad and our help, she would have never managed. My dad often described us as a team, yes, he was the team captain and we were the team players. It is like a machine, if there is a gear, belt or a bolt not doing its job, the machine won't function properly, each part is important, and to simply throw away a part because it doesn't seem as important as the rest of the parts will leave the whole not functioning at its best. My dad was one of the most loving people I know. He listened to his family, and very often took the advice of my mother. There have been times where he did what he wanted without thinking of anyone else and the entire family paid the consequences for his decision. My dad was incredibly blessed by God, because my father was a faithful servant. A husband is supposed to love and sacrifice for his wife, as Christ did for the church, the church is a body. The brain/brain stem seems like the most important part, but without the heart or the lungs, or even the big toe, you have a body that is not functioning or not functioning at its best. Each member is important and should be valued as such. To me, a partnership in marriage, much as my parents had, meant that two people we working for the greater good of their family. A house divided cannot stand, when all are working together, the house will have a strong foundation and will hold up in the worst of storms. But I am not saying that everyone in the family should feel the equal right to having their turn as "head" of the household, that is the husband's job. I am willing to submit to my husband, Mike, (here soon) but I do expect to be treated better than the dirt of the ground. There are things I know alot about, that he does not. For example, I grew up working on cars with my dad. I know a decent bit when it comes to cars and their problems. Mike listens to me on these things, generally. It is the two of us working together, it is not that I feel like he shouldn't be the head of the household, but we are working together to achieve the best with what we have. You all may think I am nuts, but my parents have one of the strongest marriages, that have survived some horrific times that seemed like things should have fallen apart. My parents leaned on each other and helped the other with whatever was needed. My dad was always the leader, but he will tell you that my mom was a very important part of his role as head of the family. She was always backing him up and supporting him, without that, my family would not be as strong as it is today."

Thanks Rachel!